Friday, August 13, 2010

My life as it has been… begins anew.

So I haven't been as social lately. Yea. So what? I've been social butterflying too much I think. Not that I won't hit a few spots on occasion to remind you all that I'm still watching you, but now is the last run of this show the way we watch it today.

What the Hell am I talking about?

I decided this was my make it or break it year. The one thing that stops me is the lack of product. Oh yes, we've heard all this before but this time it's different. I'm oddly optimistic about everything. One stumbling black was getting lost in a relationship 2 summers ago that for all intents and purposes was probably more of a wrench in the works than anything. See, I need to explain to you guys where I'm coming from without sounding bizarre or narcissistic. I will admit this here and you can call me an ass, but many including myself believe I was put on this earth for a reason. I know the reason and the purpose. Yes, it has to do with music. yes, it has the potential to change the world. Then again, everything we do changes the world in some way or another be it minute or grand.

Now, that being said... the last major relationship I had could have changed that path in many ways. At one point, she changed me for the better, made me a better man and for that I'm grateful. In other instances, she tried to change me as most women with headstrong nature would do. I held onto bizarre ideals and romantic fancy and silly little anecdotes that we two having the same exact birthdate only 10 years apart was a major paradox. I thought our relationship was like being on V (Vampire Blood used as a drug reference from True Blood where you see golden sparks when you touch under it's influence). We gave each other goosebumps in each others presence and even when making love we connected on a spiritual level to the point that we could see into each others heads. When I say see, I mean, in her mind she created a scenario unspoken in her head, a complete scenic change, and I saw every bit of it. This was a connection I had sought for decades... but this was the reward I was not to receive until I had finished my mission.

You see, in the Church of the Epical, the belief is that sex is a weapon, to start, and to let emotion pull you away from your goals will only contribute to losing your greatness.You are allowed the "big love" when you have fulfilled your life's goal. The "love" I had fallen into wasn't a bad one, it just wasn't the one I could afford at this point in time. This is not to say that I could not revisit this in the future were I to complete my mission, nor does it pull me away from the thought that I can find this type of bliss again in the future with someone else. The bottom line is, I was out of line to chase t his bliss without earning it by fulfilling my mission.

Was said relationship a tease by the fates or a test by them? Some muses and sages of mine tell me it was a test. That she was not "the One". This may be true. We were not perfect for each other in some instances, but in many others we were. It was all about "the spark". You can't see it. It's something only two can share. It's also for this reason it's hard for me to get excited about even jumping into any type of new relationships at this moment in time. It's just not time yet. I need to give birth to my "empire" before creating a biological family.

Now... back to where we are today. Having hung the torch back on the wall, I can move forward. If I pick it up again, that would only be once the goal is reached. Currently, I feel it's best I remain single, driven and undaunted. This is the Epical way. I must do the whole "put the blinders on" way of thinking and "be a rhino", undaunted and direct towards my goals. I must ignore all nay sayers. I must put the next 11 months of life into creating this product that will make you hearts sing the songs it's always wanted too no matter what age.

I've begun again with Saccovan. We have mapped out and created "Godless". We have watched this infant of a song be born. We are watching it grow from sketch recording to the addition of a "bridge". It will be glorious. We will then move forward with fervor as we gain momentum on recording. My studio is operational as is his. They are brother studios for maximum production power. They are a dynamic duo... and they will create a sonic sword arsenal with which I will cleave through the music world.

This is how it is. I admit I failed fates tests. I strayed because the temptations were great. However, now...all the clutter and baggage is gone.

I must remain the free spirit... Next entry: From 0 to 4 in 3 weeks. Previous entry: This is why I own the HTC EVO.

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